Pagpasok ko pa lang sa school, ang bigat na ng pakiramdam ko.
Kahit pilitin kong tumawa o ngumiti, wala talaga e.
Nothing can get me of this state. As if nothing can.
This feeling of uncertainty has got me wondering and wandering for some days now.
Maybe I’m love struck. Maybe I’m unworthy. Maybe I’m not appreciated by the person I want to.
Whatever it is, I just can’t explain.
One moment, I’m high up on cloud nine. The next, I’m stuck in a see-deep emotion.
Paano ba nangyari to?
Honestly, I got no idea. I feel nothing.
I don’t know what to feel.
I take a deep breath and still I feel the same. Ganito ba talaga ang epekto ng pag-ibig sakin? Kung ganito rin lang naman e hindi na ako magmamahal.
Ang hirap. Ang sakit. Napakakomplikado. Hindi ko naman ginusto to.
I can’t even understand the way I feel. Damn this feeling.
My heart is just heavy and my mind is lost. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin ko.
I feel empty. She does not care about me.
I don’t know where to go.
I am lost, but not completely.
Even in this blog entry I can’t seem to find the right words to express myself. I don’t know where this blog will be up to either.
I just want to take off some loads and get the heaviness off my heart.
I want shout. I want to tell the world what I’m feeling at this moment. But still I can’t. As much as I want to, I can’t.
Nobody would understand me.
Because even I, myself, can’t even trace the lines back to where this feeling roots.
Maybe I need love. Maybe I need to realize my worth. Maybe I need to be appreciated.
Still, I’m trying so damn hard to stay on track.
Yes, unloading some matters off this heavy heart would be tough.
But I have too. There is no such thing as escape in this insane life.
I have to find a way to get through this make it out.