1. They’ll go if you let them. It’s one thing to not be the one pushing someone away, but it’s quite another if they go when you let them. That part of an ending relationship is always the make-or-break it, because when someone really loves you, threatening to go kicks their ass into high gear and reignites the spark that drives them to work for you again.
2. If any of the following does not come naturally: conversations, any worthwhile segment of time for one another, sensations of happiness or contentment. If it takes time, it takes effort, it doesn’t flow naturally and mutually, it isn’t love.
3. They give you up for the chance to “explore their options” aka be young, wild and free. I would never discredit the importance of doing our own soul-searching and what-not, but unfortunately, choosing doing so over your relationship means they value the possibility of finding someone else over the certainty of having you, and it says a lot if you really think about it.
4. You wouldn’t be “in a relationship” if you didn’t have physical/sexual relations– without them, there’s nothing there. Relationships can be sustained off of a connection that is physical and only wades the surface, but I guarantee that is a dim light that will burn out sooner or later.
5. They don’t respect your wishes, especially when they mean a lot to you, and most especially if they are otherwise petty and generally insignificant. These acts matter most because it’s the least self-sacrificing to honor them.
6. You sacrifice your time and energy more than they do theirs. Your efforts aren’t met equally.
7. They’re needier than they are giving. When you really love someone, you put them before you do yourself; you don’t use them as a go-to person to fill your emotional needs. When you really love someone, said needs are met just by loving them.
8. You hesitate to tell them personal/intimate things that aren’t otherwise flattering about yourself. This usually isn’t a reflection on your ability to open up, but rather that your partner will be judgmental or critical or unaccepting.
9. Your relationship grew out of friendship, similar interests, or convenience, and they are still the only things pulling or keeping you together. In other words, you grew into each other, but love didn’t grow between you in the process, (and the two can sometimes be hard to differentiate.)
10. The best times you’ve had together aren’t the ones facilitated by external stimuli that make the experience great. Anybody can happily go to a concert and out to a gorgeous restaurant because, obviously. Hello. A person who really loves you will be even happier to sit next to you in sweatpants and watch Netflix/do nothing but talk all night.
11. They say what they’re looking for out of your relationship are things that they could honestly find anywhere. It’s not about appreciating you, it’s about filling a role.
12. There’s an expiration date, or there was one at some point.
13. They don’t care about the little, insignificant parts of your day. Someone who loves you will call you up to ask what you ate for lunch because love makes us weird like that.
14. Sigh to this one because it’s the most glaring sign that someone doesn’t really love you but somehow it’s the most overlooked: it’s when they don’t actively engage in your life, keep in contact, or let you know they are undoubtedly interested. It couldn’t be more straightforward, but we like to conjure up all these reasons and excuses for people when it boils down to the same truth.
(Repost from thoughtcatalog.com)
“You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.”
— Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things